Phil Collins Memorial Causeway (A.K.A Sussudio)

                                                 
                                                                                     
Notes: On October 23rd 2006 at approximatley 9:44 am the Phil Collins Memorial Causeway was tested.  The test got off to an unbelievable start.  The media present was crazy.  There was more paparazzi than Lindsay Lohan sees coming out of a Starbuck's.  Four, yes count them four, high speed, high resolution, just all out high and whatever word you want to put after it, cameras.  These cameras are top notch.  We're not talking Wal-Mart, we're talking Sears. The cameras filmed from obviously four angles, above, from the side, from a lengthwise view, and from below, to capture the Deacon Double Diamond at work.  The sand was carefully added with utmost percision.  In the early goings the bridge stood strong, but there were some warning signs that all was not well.  Cracks and creaks were heard not long after a complete bucket was added.  A visible break in the trusses was seen half way into the test.  As more and more fine white Siesta sand was added the bridge slowly began to buckle.  Two full buckets were sitting pretty hanging in the early morning shadows of the Phil Collins, when out of no where a deafening sonic boom shattered all the windows and glass doors in room 7-115.  Natalia Emery, an associate supervisor, has lost all hearing in 50% of her ears.  She was heard saying after the boom, "What?  Huh?  I can't hear you!  Speak louder!"  $mith was so shocked by the sudden erruption of noise he almost lost his balance as he was sent flying back an amazing 345 mm!  Mr. Posilovich was last seen cowering in fear and sucking his thumb asking for his blankey.  Mr. Porinchak was completley unphased since he was wearing earmuffs that were a lovley shade of fuscia.  He was quoted as saying, "It was a cold morning and I just forgot to take them off."  After the carnage and destruction was cleaned up by a crew of 35 hard working personnel, the calculations were made.  After 6 long hours of calculating, 5.9 of wich was spent trying to turn on the calculator, ($mith claimed, "I never use these things, I invented the Abacus!") the bridge was found to hold an impressive, but not so emense 63.2 kg.   This is a ratio of 687.9:1.  Again an impressive number, as far as numbers go, but it was not a happy ending.  Posilovich was interviewed after the wreckage and said, " In all my years I have never suffered a more disapointing and embarassing moment."  This from the man who was once seen in Publix in his thermal superman underware with a green towel wrapped around his neck purchasing a canteloupe.  Porinchak just shook his head and said, "How could Phil Collins let this happen?"  So as early afternoon approaches the Phil Collins Memorial Causeway Bridge is no more.  "It is a shame that its soul puropse was to be destroyed," said an very unhappy Porinchak.  "It feels like the time when I was in first grade and I was beaten up by third grades as they took my lunch money and the extra lunch I had hidden in my back pack for a mid-day snack.  I felt like I had nothing left and that is how I feel right now."