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Classified Personnel

The following individuals are current G - X classified personnel:

Brad Porinchak -- G14 Classified

Brad Porinchak , fresh out of the facilities, is a man of few pictures.  He is a remarkable scientist, who is most noted for his nobel prize winning work on Gorillamerium, the most recently disovered element.  He is an avid collector of knots and holes (he currently own the largest hole known to man).  He has also been linked to the construction of the Great Pyramids, the discovery of the dinosaur named, the Porinchakasuras, and the development of the atom. It is also rumored that he knows who made the Leaning Tower of Pisa lean. On the subject he is quoted as saying, "I will keep the persons identity a secret, for it would be an embarrassment to us all."  Porinchak, is one of the best secret keepers in the world, he claims to know more than 50 secrets!  Porinchak, also enjoys reading Harry Potter and watching Star Wars movies (He is one of only 12 people to speak fluent Wookie!).

Steve Posilovich -- G14 Classified

Steve Posilovich, working diligently below his desk,  is a man of many talents.  He is an extraordinary mathematician, who is also know for his award winning work on Gorillmerium and its uses.  He is a published author of several books including,  his autobiography, "I Invented the Question Mark?" "The Life and Times of A Plus Sign,"and the Newberry Award winning children's book "I Am A Cat."  His favorite color is lilac, but he says autumn mist is a close second.  His recent ascent to the level of G-14 classified was a no brainer for a man of his caliber.  When he was given the clearance he said, "I have reached the pinnacle of my life, there is no more I can possibly do."  Then he found out there was a level G-15 classified and said, "so that's where babies come from!"  Posilovich's proudest achievement is beating Mike Tyson's Punch Out in a record time of 13.4 minutes. 

Jared "J-$mith" Smith -- G13 Classified

Jared Smith, seen below measuring the length of a ruler, is better known to all as "J-$mith".  As co-creator of the abacus, math has been second nature to Jared.  He has been quoted as saying, "Calcultors will become a thing of the past, once the abacus makes its eventual comeback."  Other noteable quotes include, "I did it!  I did it!  I divided by zero!!" and after much experimentation, "Ice does make water cold!"  Smith is best known as an amateur inventor.  However, his inventions have held him back from becoming officially G-14 classified.  You can see what we mean by going to:  http://students.ou.edu/R/Basil.G.Rayan-1/ On a lighter note, after purchasing a new car, J-$mith said, "Mmmm...I like the new car smell.  My old car smelled like Burger King."

Tony Miller--G14 Classified

Tony Miller, testing the flamability of his new element, has flown up the ranks of the G-classified orginization and made it right to the top.  He is the newest personnel to achieve the clearence of G-14 classified.  What got him to this plateau of success?  Well, the primary reason for his ascention is his outstanding work on Flatchulentium.  He is a pioneer in a modern world.  Prior to his discovery of the newest nobel gas, Miller was relatively unknown in the science world.  His other somewhat notable work was the creation of edible shoelaces, braille signs for drive-up windows, and the invisible pet dog on a leash, all while contributing to the advancement of the chia-pet.  He is also the world record holder for the fastest person to past out from holding their own breath.